did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
