I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
