yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
