Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
