Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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