I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
