There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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