So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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