bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
