Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They took my balls.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize