Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
