Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize