He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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