Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
