Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
