OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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