Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize