The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
