I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
