Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I love you.
Bad choice
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
