ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
