Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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