I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
