after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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