i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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