you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
