Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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