Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
