just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
