so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
