69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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