I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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