I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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