I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
