i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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