dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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