I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
