There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
