is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
