I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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