Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
