Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
