the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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