True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
