paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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