Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
