I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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