yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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