Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
