booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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