I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
