Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
