There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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