i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
