why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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