I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
