Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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