Don't make out with my wife yet
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize