I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize