i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
