Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
