Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
