Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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