omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
