My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
