i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize