i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
