I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
